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Helping Families End The Fight

Is “Child Centered” Divorce Just A Way to Avoid the Real Conflict?

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Are you trying to avoid conflict in your divorce by making it child-centered?

I read a blogpost by Liz Kates, a Florida Matrimonial attorney, slamming child-centered divorce. The worst part was she made sense!

Her central point, that coaches, therapists, and related professionals may be hijacking the divorce process for their own enrichment by allowing parents to duck responsibility for their failed marriage, for children to become even greater victims in the process, may at ties be valid.

Not all the truth but some truth.  

avoid conflict

Is It Really Trying To Avoid Conflict?

Ms. Kates brings up examples in which by making the children the center of the divorce process, parents get to avoid responsibility for infidelity, financial irresponsibility, and whatever else may be driving the divorce.

She also vehemently and correctly cries out against the division of time with the children as if they were property with little or no consideration for what may be best for them.

Her prime example is the idea that the children might be better off in the marital home with one parent as the primary is consistently challenged today. Fully possible.

What We Can Learn

 Using Liz’s lens, let’s look for ways that we can have a truly child-centric divorce.

  1. When dissolving a marriage/ relationship/contract/covenant, the parents start with their own failure first.
  2. Let’s leave defining the well-being of the children to the experts. The parents will set aside their concept of wellbeing particularly if they differ, and accept the scientifically validated definitions.
  3. The parents will invest in the well-being of their children based on proven techniques for doing so. Starting with Love is always a good option here.

Now What?

I am still a believer in Child-Centered divorce, and also that this can make a divorce be healthier.

I believe we all need to be wary of this idea being used as an excuse to duck responsibility.

Holding on to anger and blame is unhealthy for all parties. It is damaging to everyone (including divorce professionals) to use the children’s well-being as a source of gain.

The greatest good will emerge from everyone’s willingness to give up some ground so the kids have space to stand.

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