Helping Families End The Fight

“Resilience” is a blanket word used in the mental health world that represents our ability to bounce back from adversity. It’s what insures that we see the world as having challenges rather than problems. Resilience is the key to getting back up when you fall down in life.

A Definition:

According to a blog in Psych Central, factors that can “help your resilience are:

  • Having a positive view of yourself (self-image) and confidence in your strengths and abilities (self-knowledge).
  • Being able to regularly make realistic plans, and then being able to regularly carry out your plans.
  • Being able to effectively and in a healthy manner manage your feelings and impulses.
  • Having really good communication skills (or you’re actively working to improve them).
  • Having really good problem solving skills (or you’re actively working to improve them).

Our Definition:

We would argue that there are 4 legs to the chair of resilience include all of the above and much much more, and these are:

  1. Self Knowledge/self worth
  2. Clarity of Purpose
  3. Being Pro-Creative
  4. Life Practices for Well Being

All of the Psych Central strengths fit in these for baskets when you really think about it. Lets break it down step by step.

Self knowledge and awareness are vital in developing resilience.

Self Knowledge: 

Having an in depth knowledge and understanding of your basic skills, strengths and weaknesses, as well as the cultural, family, and educational influences is key to knowing our own potential and limitations. This is true especially when we want to eliminate a self made limitations that show up in our personal narrative as a limiting belief, and also in blowing through any barriers from the outside that our own particular unique combination of assets find unuitable.

Purpose is the compass that we look at in every new situation to find our direction.

Clarity of Purpose: 

Think Mother Theresa or Michael Jordan when you think clarity of purpose. These are people who put together their own unique skills, values, and backgrounds to achieve the phenomenal. ANYONE can do this. We are all uniquely made , we simply need to find that purpose which best fits who we are.

When we are proactive, others adjust to us.

Be Pro-creative: 

Take the lead in creating your life by being proactive and creating the path for your life. This path may be met with some resistance, that’s where the resilience comes in. Michael Jordan practiced shooting hoops for several hours daily for example. Craft your life, find your skills and talents and develop them daily.

Well Being ranges from the physical to the spiritual and everything inbetween.

Develop Well Being Practices: 

This includes being a part of a community or communities that support you in your unique purpose as well as high level of self care and spiritual connection- whatever that may mean to you. They practice communication skills, taking personal responsibility and so on. There is a wellspring of self care practices. The key is to pick the ones you most need and practice daily to the best of your ability.


These four areas are the bedrock of resilience. Pick any “overcomer” in history and you will find that they have these four qualities in action in their lives. They are not perfect at any of them but work on all of them continuously, learning and reshaping their practices to match their purpose and goals, and at the same time, enjoying and appreciating the process. Practice is empty without appreciating where we are and the process.

In order to minimize the real cost of divorce, it is vital that we not only build resilience in ourselves but also our children in the divorce process. If you want your kids to get back up when they fall down, helping them resilience is the key!

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