Helping Families End The Fight

The Meaning of the Claddagh in Marriage and Divorce



The Claddagh: Love, Friendship, "Loyalty"

The Claddagh ring was designed in the late 1600's the period in Europe where this idea of the monarch being anointed and representing God was at its peak. So I'm going with the crown representing the marital covenant out of which        loyalty would naturally flow. To be disloyal in the marriage would be a way to    break the covenant. That said, you have the three key elements to a working    marriage, Love, Friendship, and Covenant.  When marriages begin to break        down, it is due to weakness in at least one of these areas. Further, if any one of these conditions are present it is possible to re-ignite the others over time. Now I know that there are many people who are suffering in their marriages because of breakdown in one or more of these areas so listen up!
Where many of us like to go is blame when there is breakdown, I am                   encouraging you to get it that breakdown in marriage is rarely if ever one sided. For example, if a man cheats on his wife, we can easily say "He has broken    his covenant", or "he has been disloyal". However having worked with people in the position, very often the man feels he no longer has a friend in his marriage and over time, somewhat in desperation he "makes a new friend" In fact many divorces are triggered by one member getting depressed and depression often drives the partner to seek some kind, any kind of joy to jolt them out of their     depression.
What causes the depression? in a marriage, feeling that love is not present, or   that the friendship is not there is a major contributor. Even worse for the         "cheater" they are often only temporarily satisfied, the wife is in the hell of        betrayal and feeling they can never trust while the husband is not only a            promise breaker and family wrecker, but also back in the same emotional boat, feeling desperate and alone.
How many people feel they are in a loveless marriage? They are loyal and friendly, but go through their day feeling the love is lost and that's just the way it is?   Take away any one element, and the marriage and like a three legged chair the marriage is on the way down.
However, if all three elements were present before, fear not! You can re-ignite love, you can rebuild friendship, and you can even recover from disloyalty or      breaking a covenant! In fact, once committed and working towards rebuilding    the three legs of your marriage you can even have a deeper and more satisfying marriage over time.
Once you start down the road of rebuilding, even ambivalently, over time you  will find hope and strength. I've seen it again and a again. In the cases where     the marriage is not salvaged, there is at least the basis for raising children          together which is built on a redefined parenting covenant or agreement, love     for the children, and in place of the friendship (if this is torched) at least a         working partnership.
If you ignore the original basis to the marriage and don't address the weakened or missing leg, your basically doomed to a lifetime of anger and possibly even  warfare over time. Though I have never had a client who went this route, I have interviewed plenty of people who post divorce don't understand why their ex   hates them, poisons their children's minds against them, and keeps re-suing     them for more money. All it takes is one of you to take the high ground here and your partner will follow you there and develop either a stronger marriage , or parenting partnership.
Its St. Patrick's day so I couldn't pass up the opportunity to bring you the Irish   perspective on marriage. Now I know that the idea that you could reconcile     with someone who broke loyalty seems like a stretch. It might seem even          crazier that two people can rep
discover love just by deciding to.
The fact is I have seen couples overcome adultery, and there are countless         stories of people in prearranged marriages who came to love one another over time so why not to people who were once in love? For that matter, I cant tell      you how many couples I have heard say that there love was re-ignited when       their partner demonstrated loyalty by never leaving their side when they were deathly ill for example.
Now this kind of choice takes real commitment and a can do attitude, if your      reading this and seriously disbelieving what I'm writing, its definitely not for       you. You will want to walk into a process like this with faith, the faith that the    relationship can be more because others have done it, Because you know         where you want to go with it. The fact is we never learn in the happy times, we  learn and grow most individually and as a couple in the tough ones. So if you believe every day should be perfect and happy, this is definitely not for you, that's just not how life works!

I have been through this process myself a couple of times over the years.           Rebuilding any of the legs also requires a mentor. The fact is that when my      marriage got weak in one leg or another it was because I had no clue how to     strengthen that part of my marriage. No amount of self help books blog read-   ing or even prayer alone would get me there, I needed the help of someone    who had been there and could ask me the right questions.
That required me letting go of my old ways which were to finger pointing and   blaming my partner for what was going on. I needed to stop telling her to clean up her act and instead demonstrate what that meant by cleaning up mine. The new way is all about personal responsibility, intentionality, and communication, and action!
If your looking to rebuild one or more of these aspects of your marriage reach  out for help now!, I'm willing to talk to you about whats going on and I promise you that you will come out of our call with a better understanding of what to do next given your circumstances. Here's a link, use it now to schedule a call with me at no charge and with no obligation other than to best serve your self and   your marriage. Having these three elements present in your marriage guarantees you a marriage "Rich in Relationship". :


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