Feeling adrift? Not sure where you are going? Wondering what’s next? Here are 7 Steps to finding yourself
What better opportunity to get to know the real you, than when you are untethered from all the routines that you knew? When better than when the way that you work is completely changing? Taking time to get to know yourself, good and bad, to reprogram yourself so that you are more effective, to gain clarity on what is truly important is the highest service you can do for the world.
1- Understand Your Own Past
The first of the 7 Steps to finding yourself is understanding your own past. Take some time to re-explore your own origin story. An origin story is a story of how we became who we are. The situations and circumstances that were pivotal in shaping us. Really the story tells how WE shape ourselves based on how we interpret the key turning points in our lives. We are looking to have a coherent, positive narrative. Not that every situation was positive, but rather how we turned negative into an asset in our lives.
As children, we build up defenses. These are behaviors that help us manage the behaviors and norms around us that feel threatening. Over time these crystallize into triggers and negative voices in our own minds. Often we move on in life and these triggers and voices are with us even though we are no longer in those situations. Transforming these qualities is the central goal of rewriting or origin story.
More About Defenses
These defenses are limiting beliefs in our lives that keep us from moving forward. We are in the business of ferreting our limiting beliefs so that we have the broadest picture of who we are and what we can achieve.
We remain unconscious when we hide these negative experiences, voices, and triggers from ourselves. This can doom us to be stuck in patterns of unhappiness and a feeling of frustration with our lives. Like when there is a pandemic and the whole game of our lives is challenged for example. Not only will we find ourselves often in fear and/or escaping our feelings through self-medicating, but we will also have greater stress and tension in our relationships.
We do have the power to change our own narrative. Tools to help us: prayer, meditation, mindfulness, and working with professionals experienced in this area. reach out fo the tools you need to shift your own mindset.
2- Separate Ourselves From Our Influences
It is not unusual for human beings to identify themselves in terms of their parents, friends, and surroundings. While all of these are influential, they do not truly define us. In order to feel free and unfettered, we will release the imprints left on us. Particularly the ones that show up as critical voices in our minds.
There are four steps to this process.
a) Separate from self-destructive/critical thoughts
b) Transform negative traits learned from others (parents for example)
c) Identify and disengage triggers created in childhood
d) Embrace our own values, principles, and mission.
3- Create Meaning For Ourselves
We have all been programmed to derive meaning from the outside world, the media, our culture, and our leaders. It’s time to unplug and redefine meaning in our own terms. As we gain clarity on what we truly value, and what is really important, we start to shed the meaning machines of the world around us. we create meaning based on what is truly important to us.
4- Clarity On What You Want
As we unwire our negative thoughts and triggers, this opens up the space to make real progress in our lives.
With our triggers no longer owning us, and the critical voices of the past still, we are finally free to move forward at our own pace. Limiting beliefs are shed like old skins and a new self emerges.
We know what we want. we learn how to attain it. we are no longer afraid to want. No longer afraid that we are “not enough” or inadequate in some way.
In this new unfamiliar space, we will no doubt be uncomfortable at first. We learn to get comfortable with the discomfort.
Shedding the old skins/beliefs of our past will undoubtedly lead to feeling vulnerable and may even be frightening.
Remember that anxiety and excitement are very closely related. With our new perspective, we can allow ourselves to be excited rather than anxious.
5- Own Your Personal Strength
We are empowered to move forward by knowing what we want now and having a handle on the things that have held us back.
As we still the destructive voices of our past we become encouraged.
There is power in embracing the new. Power in rejecting victimization and blame.
There is power in seeing others with empathy rather than through a veneer of criticism.
6- Practice Compassion
At this stage, we will be ensuring that we remain outwardly focused rather than retreating to a focus that is all about “me”. Compassion is a must!
With this new empathy, we can help others as we would want to be helped. Perhaps they helped us through these steps of our new self-awareness and empowerment.
Get involved with a charitable organization that represents your values.
7- Network of Support
We will also be surrounding ourselves with like-minded souls in this phase.
Souls who will support us as we grow into our new selves. Assess your friends and measure whether they support you in your new identity.
Many of your old friends won’t accept the new you.
Don’t be surprised! Many will be invested in who you were, not who you are.
Look for Yaysayers, not Naysayers. Positive voices who share your values.
Seek out mentors, professionals, and leaders to support you in this mission.
Congratulations, you now have acquired 7 Steps to finding yourself!