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Helping Families End The Fight

5 Steps To Move From Resentment To Forgiveness

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Resentment develops like tooth decay: over time, it just gets nastier and deeper.

Forgiveness is the only way to clean this from the inside!

forgiveness

Resentment to Forgiveness

I grew up in a super high conflict household. Anger was my sword and resentment was a shield.

I started as a victim, moved to anger. Next to Blame- deflection of responsibility. That fed festering resentment. I discovered the power of anger and resentment.

It felt safer than being a victim. Resentment, blame, and anger became a habit.

What I know now that wish I had known then was that resentment leads to high blood pressure and loss of sleep. After a while, your body does not know it has rested. It also can lead to stomach pain, neck pain, headaches.

Additionally, the constant release of adrenaline and cortisol/hormonal imbalance can lead to immune system breakdown, heart stress, and more.

What If We Could Let Go Of Resentment?

None of us wants anger and resentment.

In my story, it served for a while as armor that both protected me and kept others away. What I really wanted was safety, love, to be at peace with myself.

Resentment is grounded in judgment. We cannot judge outside without judging inside…..

Imagine if every resentment you hold is as much about you like the other person’s?

Even if you never did exactly what they did, there is a part of you that could- we are all human.

Look at the recent elections! Did Trump or Biden come to represent something you hate? A raging narcissist? A spineless politician with no integrity? A liar? A sexist? Racist?

I have bad news for you, If you can spot it, you got it.

The world is our mirror. Judgment is a double-edged sword.

Yes, we can use it to recognize danger, and we need to be careful when it hardens into resentment of others and of self.

Whether you want to believe that or not, the answer is still forgiveness.

Think about all your worries and resentments and how much time they have taken, now imagine your life without having to feed those things? Yes, they require constant nurturing. 

This starts with FORGIVENESS

Forgiveness is not a feeling that comes over us, time can’t heal a wound you have not cleaned.

Forgiveness is love in action. It is self-love.

Forgiveness does not mean we validate the other person nor do we justify them.

It means we are saying they are no longer worth our thinking about the hurt and pain we associate with them.

When someone really has no value to you, you stop thinking about them altogether- they are not worth the energy.

Forgiveness Is The Tool To Take You There

Imagine all the energy you will have to pursue your own dreams and needs once you let go of resentment?

Imagine the freedom of no longer being burdened by the past?

What are some ways that resentment has limited your life?

There is a proven system for forgiving created by Professor Everett Worthington. This is the REACH System. REACH stands for: 

1- Recall the hurt.

2- Empathize or, more broadly, emotionally replace negative emotion with positive emotion. So replace the negative emotion with empathy or compassion or love or sympathy for the person.

3- Altruistic give of forgiveness. This is not a self-interested gift, it’s not a self-enhancing gift. It’s something to bless the other person.

4- Commit to the forgiveness experience.

5- Hold on to the forgiveness experience.

 

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