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Helping Families End The Fight

New Year’s Resolution Tool

   How many times have you declared a goal for New Years’ and not followed through? How much would you like 2021 to be different? Here is a simple goals setting tool that will help you lay the groundwork for not only declaring what you want but setting the emotional stage to follow through.

The Root Cause

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  The root cause of many human incomplete wishes has to do with how we think about them. American culture is built around the concept of “doing”. We are all about getting things done. When we meet new people and we ask them what they “do”. We network with people based on what they do. We think with the right collection of “doers” we will finally have what we need to get done what we want to do. At our root, we have become human “doers” rather than human beings. Being is the starting point for doing. Without our “being” or how are in place, our actions will be out of alignment with our goals.

Being There

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  Wealth coaches will tell you if you want to be a millionaire, you need to act like one, think like one, be one emotionally and in thoughts. If you act like a millionaire, feel like a millionaire, you are far more likely to make decisions like a millionaire and therefore do what millionaires do. Being comes before doing. Doing leads to having. If we “do” without having our thoughts, feelings, our “being” lined up first, then the actions will be out of alignment with the results we want to create.

The Exercise

  Here is the exercise that will help you line up your “being”:

  1. List what it is you want to have
  2. List what it is you believe you need to do in order to get what it is you want to have.
  3. Consider who and/or how will you need to “be” from an emotional stance to effectively do what it is that needs to be done.

By setting the emotional intention and using that as your true north, you can adjust what you do as you move towards what it is you need to have. Setting the emotional intention has as much to do with what kind of person has the result that you want to have. It might be helpful to select a role model who has achieved what it is you want in order to do so. 

Example:

  1. Have: Acknowledged as a leader in the area of parental conflict resolution and healing.
  2. What I will do: Run a three month free series of workshops with guest experts to support parents as they transition through the end of the pandemic. This is a win/win give away.
  3. Be: Secure, Confident, Collaborative, Compassionate, Visionary. I need to be first the expert in my field that I already am AND be secure enough in my own knowledge and expertise that I can share the spotlight with other experts in related fields always putting the wellbeing of the participating parents first. Possible role models- Mother Theresa, Steve Jobs, Zig Zigler.

This is a fairly lofty example, and this will work in any scenario. Here is a more common New years Theme:

  1. Have: Superfit by March 1st, 2021 
  2. What I Will Do: Increase my exercise regimen 
  3. Be: Committed, Loving of Self, Accepting of where I am, Be fun-loving in the process Act like a fit person in my thinking about food, Forgiving of breakdowns, Willing to adjust to make up for breakdowns in scheduling, Humble enough to learn from others and ask for help. Role models: Jenna Lessing, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tom Brady.

It seems like we are putting the doing first but actually, what is happening is in considering how we are going to be in order to do, we start to take into account who has pulled this off and what are some of the qualities of emotional being that they talk about and exude. 

Following Through

Follow Through.

Set your goal and get out a calendar. Start planning! Next, learn more about your role models. What is their thinking? How have they been successful? When you hit a rut, how would they navigate it? Notice I said when not if. It is inevitable that we hit a rut. Our commitment is always challenged. It’s why we are not “there” yet. Inevitably, there is something we have not considered or learned yet. We can be “there” once we learn. We learn and move to being in a place where we have what we want. It is meeting those challenges that get us there. It is meeting the challenges with the guidance of our role models, or perhaps even a coach, that helps us move forward!

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