With the Holidays coming and the added pressures of the pandemic, we figure a little encouragement is in the mix. This is the first in three-part series on ways to deepen your relationship. This week let’s talk about focus.
Sometimes we have one of those days where all we see is what’s wrong around us and particularly in our partner. Turning that frown upside down is never more important than on those days. Keeping those hypercritical thoughts internalized will poison our feelings about our greatest ally and expressing them will undermine that relationship even more.
Your lover may truly be making some egregious errors like leaving a dish in the sink or drinking directly out of the milk carton and you are right, those are punishable crimes in any household. The question is, would you rather be right or happy? Some battles are just not worth fighting and some people are super slow to change. Part of being happy in any relationship lies in accepting the other person’s limitations (real or self-created) and learning to work with them in a way that does not breed frustration, anger, and resentment.
Along the same line of thought, let go of the negative thoughts and focus on the positive. That person who burps and farts is the same one you fell in love with. While “falling in love” is a limited time offer (studies show 2-3 years), the qualities that you focused on when you were both starry-eyed are still there! Think about that person you fell in love with, what were their greatest strengths? The traits you really adored? recognize where they are today and focus on them. Build your partner up by focusing on what they do well, what it is you really love about them. Accent the positive.
Often, relationships turn into competitions, comparing their worst to our best. In difficult times, it is easy to fall back on building ourselves up at the expense of our love. Especially when you are spending soooo much time together : ). Teams are built on uplifting one another and playing to each other’s strengths. Make a list of both of your individual strengths (yes there are more than enough for a list) and start playing to each other’s strong sides. Say and repeat ” I am on your side!” Strategize together
Partners help each other unload and lighten up, schedule comedy night together where you watch a funny movie or a comedian. Laughter is not only good for the soul, it’s good for your health. Laughter -Boosts immunity
-Lowers stress hormones
-Relaxes your muscles
-Prevents heart disease
-Adds joy and zest to life
-Eases anxiety and tension
-Attracts others to us
-Helps defuse conflict
-Promotes group bonding
Dancing together is fun, energizing it can be romantic, silly, whatever you want to bring to it. More important, dancing encourages you to focus on each other, to get in sync, to enjoy shared rhythms.